Self Control

Last Saturday, I felt something which I had not felt for a very long time. I was very sad. It brought back some memories of the past, all were bad memories. I know from my wife’s point of views, I deserved it, but I was still very sad. To read how sad I was, click here

I tried to release the feeling of sadness using the Sedona method, but I discover something interesting. I went to sleep earlier so that I will not be facing my wife to increase the feeling of sadness, and I my bed, I tried to release this feeling sadness. However, I found myself holding to this feeling of sadness. I found that I am actually getting comfort from feeling sad. It is like, I know I should not be feeling sad, but I want to feel sad because I feel that my wife do not deserved my feeling of feeling sad and upset toward her. I reason that she did something to me; I “must” feel upset toward her because she does not deserve my feeling of goodness toward her. All this time, I am totally aware of my feeling, like I am looking at another person. I do not let my feeling control me, rather I know how I am feeling and decide if I should indulge in the feeling or overcome the feeling. However, it does not mean that what I was doing is right. I decided to stay in the feeling of sad, but when it overwhelms me, I find that I do not want to release this feeling.

Feeling is neither right nor wrong, but indulging too much in certain feeling would not be good for anyone. Feeling can actually comfort people when they are sad, and heighten the joy when we are happy. But most importantly, we should be controlling the feeling and not let the feeling control us.

I know if I continue to feel sad, I will develop bad feeling toward my wife as she is the source of my unhappiness, so I took sometime to get away from her and release this feeling and heal this wound inside me.

Limiting Believes

Live is as good as you think. If you think that live is good, it will be good, but if you think that live is bad, then it is bad.

I was watching a tv program yesterday, and it was saying that some around year 1700++ a highly respectable monk was going from tibet to china to visit the emperor for his birthday, then it shows the map of china and the route which the monk took to go to the palace. The route was like sooo long. I think it took them a few months before they reach the palace. Then I was thinking how did they ever know where to walk and which route to take. They dont have GPS, no maps like what we have today, no satellite, but they are still able to make their way there.

I try to put myself in their shoes, and the conculsion is I only see the world is only as big as the map that they have. Their image of the world is limited. Just as a frog in the well, it's world is only as big as the well, but it is not true. We all know that the Earth's circumference Polar = 40,008 km, Equatorial = 40,076 km, and there is a universe out there which is beyond our instrument can measure, but is it really this big, or are we like the people in the past, not knowing how big the world/universe really is.

All this is the limiting believe that all of us have. I have my limiting believes. I used to think that I will not want to get married because I was terribly shy, and when I was around 7, 8 years old, seeing my aunt going through the wedding ceremony was too much for me to handle, but I am married now. :) I also used to believe that I will never own a car, but now I believe that I will own a car in near furture.

Typically Singaporean have a limiting believes that if you dont have a degree, you will not be able to get a well paid job. Although life in general has improved since 1700, but man's thinking have not.

All things are created by thoughts. If you can think of it, it can happen. It is in our imagination that everything is limitless. I can imagine that I can fly like a bird or swim like a fish breathing in the water, I can imagine a world that is not confine to the law of phyiscs. It is like in the movie "matrix", this world is nothing but thought. They think themselves to live in their world. When I first watched the moive it was like deja vu.

When I was around 9 years old, my academic result was not very good, I have low self esteem, I was thinking to myself, maybe this life that I am living now is just a dream, and I am actually living in other plantet and I might just wake up and all these lousy things which was happening to me will just go away. Well apparently I was not from some dream of someone from some other plantet. Haha. However, there is someone I this world who actually have the same thought as me and even make it into a movie. :)

Learn to let go and more will come to you.

Life with a purpose.

All of us are here on earth with a purpose. It is to grow and to service. Service the world around you. If all we want is to receive and take, very soon we find that we are struggling to survive. Everything in life is either growing or dieing. If we are not growing, we are dieing.