Self Control

Last Saturday, I felt something which I had not felt for a very long time. I was very sad. It brought back some memories of the past, all were bad memories. I know from my wife’s point of views, I deserved it, but I was still very sad. To read how sad I was, click here

I tried to release the feeling of sadness using the Sedona method, but I discover something interesting. I went to sleep earlier so that I will not be facing my wife to increase the feeling of sadness, and I my bed, I tried to release this feeling sadness. However, I found myself holding to this feeling of sadness. I found that I am actually getting comfort from feeling sad. It is like, I know I should not be feeling sad, but I want to feel sad because I feel that my wife do not deserved my feeling of feeling sad and upset toward her. I reason that she did something to me; I “must” feel upset toward her because she does not deserve my feeling of goodness toward her. All this time, I am totally aware of my feeling, like I am looking at another person. I do not let my feeling control me, rather I know how I am feeling and decide if I should indulge in the feeling or overcome the feeling. However, it does not mean that what I was doing is right. I decided to stay in the feeling of sad, but when it overwhelms me, I find that I do not want to release this feeling.

Feeling is neither right nor wrong, but indulging too much in certain feeling would not be good for anyone. Feeling can actually comfort people when they are sad, and heighten the joy when we are happy. But most importantly, we should be controlling the feeling and not let the feeling control us.

I know if I continue to feel sad, I will develop bad feeling toward my wife as she is the source of my unhappiness, so I took sometime to get away from her and release this feeling and heal this wound inside me.